I'm Taking Way Somebody's Woman

I am here to announce that I will no longer be engaging in monogamy. In fact I will not be committing to any relationship what so ever. I am now going to be the official Joe Grind more commonly known as the “horner man.” For those of you confused by the vernacular the horner man is the male equivalent of the “side piece.” The “outside thing” is the ideal situation for this day and age and I will seek to become the best outside man in history.

When you are committed to someone you are “required” by the International Board of Appropriate Relationship Standards and Behaviours to spend some sort of cuddle time with your partner. Cuddle time includes any form of time together not having sex, time spent on the phone where your partner has at least 75% of your attention or for couples doing distance Skype or at the lowest level MSN conversations. In this sense the term Skype covers all webcam based conversations in their definition and can include those conversations where you speak and act to reach maximal physical fulfillment with the use of hands or battery operated devices. As the side piece these are not required. The Society of Horners and Side Pieces state clearly that no time can be requested outside of that given by the party with an inside partner. This means no calls asking why you haven’t been called or asking why you only hear them when sex is wanted. You are merely the substitute to make up for any short comings the starter may have.

Anyone who has ever lived alone will also relish one of the key perks of being a proud side piece. You get the fulfillment of the most basic of human needs and you still keep your personal space for yourself. There is no hair in the sink, no underwear hanging from anywhere, no snores or no one asking why you are walking around the house in your birthday suit unless that person is you. Similarly the provision of Side Piece Appreciation Money for fulfillment of services can be used to maintain your personal space. Those who prefer to be members of the Committed and Faithful Society have to put up with these inconveniences to your personal space. Any cash received usually means that services physical or otherwise can be demanded by the provider. As a side piece you are not tied to these restrictions.

Let’s face it in this day and age with studying or working who really has the time to sit and be considerate of another person’s every whim and fancy. The side piece role allows you to live your life as you see fit and yet at any point when the fire burns in the loins below to have that itch scratched and move on with your life. No worrying about if your partner is cool with where you are or who you are with because they have to worry about that from the inside partner.
However please note that there are certain risks to being the official side piece. Some side pieces have been found to forget the basic arrangement and seek to be a starter as opposed to a bench player. They then start demanding more playing time and may even seek to jeopardize the contractual arrangement between the inside piece and the owning franchise. Some members of Sneaking Out for Maximization of

Pleasures have also been found to have issues honouring the arrangement and start trying to treat the side piece as they would the inside piece and seeking to control their freedom. The final worry is that the starting player find out about the role players playing time and seek to end it in a physical manner.

If these scenarios can be avoided there is enough circumstantial evidence to show that without a doubt being a member of Horners and Side Pieces is the way to go. You receive physical and financial fulfillment with minimum mental or emotional output. Any ladies reading this who are willing to be my franchise holder are free to send CV and a picture to my inbox for review.

Disclaimer: The previous view is for purely entertainment purposes. It was inspired by the article in the news over the weekend.