Duck Tales...oooh oooh

If not for my lack of physical size I was about to embark on the largest crime spree this little island of ours has ever seen. Fortunately, for most I’m not about to have a man’s face in my lap as I plait inside cornrows on him, and so that little foray into the dark side of my mind was quickly abandoned. However, I will admit that I really want to be a modern day Robin Hood, robbing from the ungrateful, stupid and wasteful and giving to the needy who would appreciate it.

Top of my list are the school children who have never worked a day in their lives but as you read this are Tweeting from their Blackberry about how hard their lives are and how no one understands or appreciates them. You don’t work so you aren’t contributing any taxes to the economy, yet you have a cell phone that your parents gave to you along with your PS3, Laptop, flat screen television and wardrobe over flowing with clothes. Yet you have the audacity to complain about life being hard? Since I can’t steal from them legally I would like to take them out into the fields and have them pick enough cotton to pay for their phones and everything else in the room. This figure must be the amount after Sinckler is finished with the robbery we allow. After this if they have enough energy they can then tweet about their lives being hard they can feel free to.

Up next I wanted to take aim and low to no income earners who try to live like the “Joneses.” Making $250 a week, sometimes less, but in the Salon every two weeks for an $80 hairstyle -for the guys it’s only $20 for a haircut- so that they can attend $60 shows in $200 outfits whilst wearing $150 shoes. Now I’m not saying that they are not in their rights to indulge in these small pleasures, however what bugs me is when the ones who engage in these are on their Blackberry telling friends that the children home from school cause there was no money to send them, or that a utility is off in the house. All this takes place whilst the child is outside putting oil on the rims whilst daddy tries to find a way to keep the DirecTV dish from pulling the side of the house any further down. I honestly cannot think of a punishment befitting these people because no physical pain can cure downright stupidity.

The last of my first batch of people to relieve of cash would have been the likes of Leroy Parris. Now Mr. Parris is on my list because he is an ungrateful and inconsiderate person in my humble opinion. From all legal stand points he may be owed the other $6.5m he is suing Clico for. The very same Clico that has paid him $3.5m whilst smaller policy owners are left struggling and wondering what will happy to their life savings. The same company which as head paid him a ridiculous amount of money monthly. Yet at a time when the company whom he led has thousands of small policy owners wondering about their future a man who as the old folks would say “got out licking” has the balls to step forward and demand more money at this point. I would grant him his wish but under 1 condition, he be stripped bare and every policy owner be allowed to give him at least 1 lash for every policy they have in the company. This is only fair seeing that their lost policies are what helped to pay his ridiculous salary.

Little with content is great gain, however a fool and his money are soon parted. Every man has the right to spend his or her money however they see fit, but in these current economic times you can’t be tossing it around like you are Scrooge McDuck taking swim in his money bin. The only way forward is for us to be smart and help each other and not be like Mr. Parris. My proposed methods of solution may be outlandish and lack proper thought but in these times I humbly believe we need to take a look at the stock that is our lives and manage every aspect better.