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As I approached this topic I really didn’t know what side to best tackle it from. I was not sure if I believed that it was dead or if there was hope. I had to take a look at myself and all of my friends to see if I can draw a conclusive answer from my life but still I came back inconclusive. I guess all that’s left for me to say is that monogamy may not be dead but it is quickly approaching the endangered species list. It’s either that or the pure fact that monogamy never really existed but is in fact an idealistic utopian state of mind.
They say that humans are animals, well mammals to be exact, and in the animal kingdom just how many animals are monogamous? Usually it is only the strong male who is allowed to lay with the females. This argument can hold merit except for one small issue: women are equally as promiscuous as males are. So usually while in nature it is the dominant male who is allowed to have several females, the females are all loyal to the dominant male, well loyal until a more dominant male arrives.
I’ve also heard the argument that there is an imbalance of males to females. I’ve heard anywhere from 3 to 5 female to every man. So it’s impossible and illogical to stay faithful to one lady when there are so many others vying for your attention. Research shows that this assessment holds as much merit as the DLP’s promises to lower the cost of living in Barbados. Worldwide the ration is like 1 male for every 1.05 female. So unless we are dating a female and a piece this argument makes less sense that Dennis Kellman when he gets going.
As a man I will say that it is easier for females to be monogamous. The reason has nothing to do with population demographics but mainly societal norms and pressures. From young we are face with the images from society, television and every hit song that a male with the ability to have many ladies is a male to be envied and looked upon with awe. Many believe this is an unshakable and backward doctrine handed down from before the times of Moses where much like the animal kingdom the rulers kept many concubines to tickle his fancies. Whatever the cause it is evident that from small despite it being “shunned” upon by those of higher moral standings, the rewards and respect amongst peers of being a “gallist” is there.
This however covers only a small aspect of the “wutless” situation manifesting itself globally it seems. Which has led me to believe that one thing seeks to destroy the fundamentals of monogamy and that is pure simple greed. All the fancy historical references and demographic breakdown are just fancy decorations to hide the fact that we as humans wutlessly just want, want, want. We can have the best significant other and we will find a flaw with him or her as a reason to “screech.” We will have a 75% perfect companion and instead of addressing the 25% and working it out or leaving we seek to find the 25% in another. Sometime we just wutlessly want things. We either want them cause another has them so we want to show we are better(consciously or subconsciously) or because we see them with it and we decide there must be something good in it for us too. Then at the bottom of the pile we malisciously are wutless want multiple partners because we are too small to handle the workload of having one. Despite the pomp and pageantry it is easier to run from hole to hole than make the most out of 1.
This is all just diversions on the path to answering the bigger question of if monogamy is dead. The answer is simply no it’s not dead. The majority of youth are not bad however the ones that are bad stick out like a sore thumb. I believe that is the case here as well. In this time of high economic prices it is expensive and silly to try to manage multiple relationships with gas, hotel/motel fares, cell phone bills, pampers, condoms all going up. Aside from this people are now more educated and for the most part more mature. As you mature the attraction and appeal of running from pot to pot gives way to the appreciation of having one nice personal chef who knows your taste. Some of us may never mature but the corresponding link with screeching and age shows that with maturity monogamy lives. However as a youngster we seek to maximize our time on earth and sample as many pots as possible.
Monogamy isn't dead. But like all things worth having, it sometimes requires work. As you said, it's easier to run to a new person whenever you want something new or don't feel like putting in the effort once the honeymoon stage of a relationship is over (probably after the first year). Don't get me wrong, I think it's the rare person who doesn't deliver a horn, but it's possible and has everything to do with character and commonsense. You avoid putting yourself in dangerous situations and remind yourself why your significant other matters to you.
ReplyDeleteIt seems well worth the effort. I look at the couples around me and they appear genuinely peaceful and happy. Contrastingly, I've had playboy/girl friends and they're frequently the most insecure, depressed and empty people around. At the end of the day, despite the Bible's foray into polygamy (later rejected), it was just supposed to be Adam and Eve.
I'll even go 1 further...i was once involved in the sampling of multiple kitchens and for me it was fun but empty fun. the rewards were fleeting. I have found that personally stressing over that 1 lady and fighting to get it right with her is more my style.
ReplyDeleteWutless is boring.
My longer post was swallowed by misfortune...so I posting the summary
ReplyDeleteHorning is one of the ways ppl deal with that "25%" tho...
Ask yuh ancestors if u feel I lie
d.l.p.
Yes 1st Boy. Wutless is boring, dangerous and needs just as much physical effort and "commitment" to the cause as monogamy. Some people believe that the rewards are greater but I submit that would be based on a very warped perspective. In those cultures that practice polygamy, other considerations inform the practice and believe it or not, there are usually fairly noble reasons. Hardly ever are they based on wutlessness although a few despots feel the need to highlight their superiority by taking advantage of their "subjects" and so implement these practices to benefit themselves.
ReplyDeleteIn our culture, it is usually a sign of reverse insecurity. People want to prove how big they are, how many of the other sex they can command because they are really insecure. Why else would they need to prove it? Does Everest need to prove that it's tall? Then there is of course the collateral damage - the dishonesty, hurt, financial ruin as one tries to live several different lives. The health risks - all pots are not created equal and even if they are, they are not all maintained to the same degree.
I don't argue the Bible. A skillful debater can use the same passage to both propose and oppose any point. It's all a matter of interpretation but it does seem that there are passages that definitely condone "shared relationships". However it is significant that in those cases there was no subterfuge, everybody seemed to know the score. That brings us to "is it what you do or how you do it"? Did you see that Indian man in the paper recently with many wives? It's working for his society, it's working for him and it seems to be working for the wives. Interesting isn't it? As Market Vendor observed the older wives seem quite willing and relieved to give up the conjugal duties to the younger wives. Is he a "Screecher"? I say no. But is he monogamous? Certainly not. Yet, is he wutless? Licorish? Foolish? Selfish? Egotistical? Noble? Responsible? Generous? I could go on and on but I won't try to answer because I can't know the answer.
My conclusion is that the philosophy of relationships is, like so many other thing, relative. Whether it is right or wrong - Depends!
@DLP yes horning is how we deal with the 25% but is it right? you can't be giving more than 1 person 100% of who you are, so whilst you sharing your 100%; 74% with the wife and 26% with the mate, consider if it is fair to the wife who is giving you 100% and sometimes more of her.
ReplyDelete@Kerri and Juliet you ladies brilliantly covered any points i left out and it makes it impossible for me to argue against you. Juliet sums it up when she says it's relative I guess.