Heifers and Bulls

The question is all over everyone’s lips- where did this “man” get these figures from? More importantly; how true are these figures? What figures you are asking? Well if you don’t know you must be under a rock. It was alleged by a homosexual asylum seeker in Canada that only 2% of Bajan males are heterosexual. The remaining 98% are either gay or confused.

Now the first thing that strikes me is that these figures are obviously a roll of bull and this individual has obviously had too much crack in his lifetime. Then I tried to rationalize it and came up with 2 possible answers. The first possible reason being that his sample size was skewed and the second that his vision needs checking and he is confused by current trends in fashions.

I’ve been involved in sports the majority of my life so when I ask those I know about any topic you can be fairly certain that the majority of answers coming from sportsmen. So it goes to make sense that someone batting from the other side of the wicket is sets out to ask this question using a sample size of those he is familiar with that he may very well receive a result skewed to that bias type response.

In the past you could tell who batted on what team by the colour of their clothing. Life was like one day or T20 cricket. These days despite the growing popularity of these shorter forms of cricket, fashion has become like a test match. Everyone is dressing the same and it is hard to test who is a batsman, who fielding and who is a bowler. So maybe this gentleman has visionary problems and he got confused by the ladies in male clothing or the young males in jeans with less room than a pair of leggings.

Homosexuality exists in our society and there is no turning your back on that fact. However for me to believe that only 2% of the population faces up and plays straight is extremely hard to fathom. So for me these cock and bull figures make the remainder of the story unpalatable for the logical thinking individual. For if the figure is in fact 2% I would need to find myself living with my back against the wall in these hard times.

Helicopter Landing

The rhythm pulsates in the back and its magic grabs hold of you and makes you move.  The provocative nature of the beat accompanied by the suggestive nature of the lyrics takes your mind far away from the dance floor and into a place where you get to know each other in the biblical sense of the word. Yet despite this magical power there does not seem to be a corresponding amount of dancehall induced babies running up and down the green mountains. Why is this so, one friend asks? The answer is simple; passa passa.

Passa Passa goes hand in hand with this music genre I can hear you saying. So how can something so linked be the Antichrist of the romantic nature of such beautiful lyrics as “gal me need ya vagina” or “ya bawl out when me force it in?” To answer that I will ask you this, how good can your penis or vagina be after you do a 2 ½ somersault with a 1 ½ twist from a pike position from a tree onto another being's genitalia?

The below video will serve to portray exactly what I mean. For after a night with the romance inducing vibes prompting you to make use of “the easy access” you may attempt to procreate, but after such highflying death defying acrobatic moves you may be unable to sustain rise to the occasion. Even if you are able to stand up and deliver internal damage may have occurred meaning that in the war for future generations your rifle may not be able to fire any critical hits.

They say “if you can’t wine good you should just stab up the meat.” However I ask you to take a knife and stab it against a surface which it doesn’t penetrate and study the results. The knife will without a doubt become dull and lose its ability to stab. Daggering as stabbing in the passa passa arena is know does the same to the male’s tool of penetration. Again taking away from the potency needed for when your lady romantically whispers “come breed me.”

So to my friend who was disturbed and lost by the fact that the correlation between the numbers of babies to the number of dancehall songs I hope this clears it all up for you. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iz3O4uLFXzk&feature=player_embedded

Cluck Cluck

Anyone reading this who has ever tried to cook a yard-fowl must know the pain and headaches it gives to make it palatable. The use of pressure cookers and a bevy of other culinary tricks have been utilized to add taste to this breed of bird. Sadly, most times, no matter what tricks have been used and how much heat used you can tell a yard-fowl from a proper bird. Yard-fowls now seem to be taking over the general society at large which means that for us all we will have to make do with a hard meal which is less than palatable at times.

Cost of living was an issue for years and one that we were promised would be controlled and lowered. In the last few years we’ve seen what is required to lower cost of living. Take money out of the treasury to fund an elaborate show for our 1^st Grammy winner; raise every conceivable tax(twice in some cases), lower NHC annual revenue by giving away the houses that we get income from and add taxation to credit unions and allowances  so now we have even less money to spend as everything goes up.

Yard-fowls are also a noisy bunch of birds. Clucking and crowing at the highest decibels at any time of the day for no reason at all. Roosters, hens and the cocks of the middle ground serve to be a nuisance at anytime. Trying to bring order to a group of yard fowls is a lost because once riled up they simply cluck and crow louder and louder. Worse yet is if it’s a fowl from St. John or St. Lucy but that’s a story for another day.

Nowhere in my small understanding of economics and business does it make sense to me to lower something by raising all the factors that contribute to it. To me that sound like in an effort to lose weight I should eat more and exercise less. This is what troubles me about the cost of living situation in Barbados. Raising everything that contributes to the cost of living and lowering the amount of money we have to spend cannot make it easier to live.

I’ve however realized that there may be some merit to being a yard-fowl as opposed to a proper bird. Commonly it’s the yard-fowls that get overlooked when the time for cutting of heads come. So many proper birds are slaughtered by the farmer whilst his yard-fowls live on and seem to prosper. Makes me wonder what the benefits of being proper and sensible are.  Let’s all just run around clucking pointlessly with no real direction since it seems to be the way to go.

At some point we have to look deep and realize that saying it was the last administrations fault is not an excuse for everything. Neither is saying we only had 2/3 years they had 14.

It may not be for you

Now I am not a fashion guru nor do I claim to know what looks good from what doesn’t. I’ll even be the first to admit that I’ve worn some stuff that now I look back I have to ask myself what was going on with me when I made that choice. However, the one thing that I think I’ve always gotten somewhat right was wearing clothes that suit me. This seems to be an art that no one cares for anymore.

By now I’m sure you all are asking what exactly I’m getting at so let’s cut to the chase. Every fashion isn’t for everybody. The piece of clothing that brings me most heartache and pain these days are leggings. No greater piece of female apparel has been invented or made popular in the last decade than a pair of leggings and the ability that leggings possess to make a man feel uneasy is indescribable.

It must have you reading this in a quandary to say that I am troubled by these things of beauty. The reason I am troubled is simply The Cream of Wheat Complex. While a pair of leggings has the ability to advance all that is good; it also enhances all that is bad. The sex appeal of a pair of leggings lies within the sleek smooth appearance it gives. This smooth aspect makes it aesthetically pleasing and very alluring to the eye.

Now those of you who are unfamiliar with the Cream of Wheat Complex need to sit and imagine a large bowl of this West Indian favorite. Now I’m wondering if any of you reading this look at a bowl of Cream of Wheat and find it aesthetically pleasing? I for one don’t. This is why the Cream of Wheat Complex is the scourge of the beauty known as leggings. In its unbiased nature to accentuate a pair of leggings turns a small bowl of Cream of Wheat into what can only be called a large blob of the cold porridge.

I am not seeking to attack anyone or their rights to wear whatever they like but I am just stating that every fashion isn’t for everyone and if it doesn’t suit you don’t try to fake it you will only look worse.

Jumping on the Bandwagon

Nothing brings me more heartache and sometimes dismay over being a Bajan than anything Rihanna related. From the get go I’ve said she was over rated and the nothing but the product of good production, and even though this is still the majority of my opinion I am humble enough to say that she has improved a lot over the last few years and her last album was pretty decent. My conniptions with things Ms. Fenty related are now over how we Bajans react to any and everything she does.

She received a Grammy a few years back and the only thing we didn’t do was make her queen or have a life size bust made(I better not speak just yet cause there is still time for the DLP to outdo themselves). That was quickly followed by a Brown patch where the only thing we didn’t do was demand he be extradited to Barbados for a public flogging. Other minor up and downs but now, apparently, she has gone too far and will face the never ending wrath and scorn of the pure Christian society that is Barbados.

Rihanna has dared to be, of all things in Hollywood, sexy. Now admittedly this new video for her hit single S&M is a bit raunchy and on the edge as they say but I’ve seen much worse at primary school fairs. Mind you these same puritans of our society who are now calling for the stripping of all titles bestowed on our frequently scantily clad song bird, are the ones who watch and cheer on their single digit aged children in their preteen dry humpings, which Rihanna’s impression of at the Grammys left poor Drake grinning from ear to ear.

The song is called S&M and the hook states that sex is in the air and she loves the smell of it. Now with such lyrics I do not believe that a video with Sister Marshall pushing her snow cone cart and hundreds of smiling little children rushing for a Red and Coconut with milk would have been very appropriate.  The video satirically looks at the relationship between the media and celebrities and the way the media is constantly in the love affairs of celebs. Despite the lov/ hate affair Barbadians have with her, she even saw it fit to place Barbados across her ever improving pectoral region.

Now I’m a huge fan of music and all genres and I would rate this video as a 6.5 on the sexy/raunchy scale.  Videos such as She Wolf where Shakira makes men want to use the key to free her from her cage and investigate her midregion’s sexy movements rate higher than this for me. Females were going crazy over Ciara’s Ridin’ and proclaiming it as a great video and to me all she did was encourage teenage boys to sit alone in their rooms and dream of being ridden by her. Heck this video couldn’t make it onto BET Uncut back in the day.

So why is there all this drama? Simple she is a Bajan and there is nothing we Bajans enjoy more than to talk about another Bajan. She’s not being a proper role model; she’s making bajans look bad; she’s not acting like a lady; are all complaints that have been echoed. To you I say this: if you can’t raise your children to pick better role models than entertainers you should be attacking yourselves and not Rihanna; I’ve gotten free drinks in America because I was able to talk about the little island Rihanna was from instead of hearing what part of Jamaica is Barbados and being a lady means you get to decide how you feel is appropriate to carry yourself.

Instead of attacking Rihanna I would like us to get together and rid Barbados of people like Mr. Frontteethgoldteethgargleoutmouthwithlisterinenationbuildingpumawearingms.wigginslastboy aka Mr. PatandCrank aka Peter Ram. How can a man go from winning the Nation Building Award to having a bigger Jamaican accent that Buju Banton is beyond my skills of comprehension. So instead of looking to pull down a young lady who is expressing her personality, being successful and putting this little rock of ours on the map lets all start at home with our children and with the goats we have here.

Those who know me know I love me Alicia Keys, Chrisette Michelle, Angie Stone et al and will never be a big fan of Rihanna type music but I am now willing to give Jack his jacket and say stop being hypocrites and let the girl do her thing.

Welcome

With much trepidation I have given into peer pressure and will now embark on this thing called Blogging. The opinions expressed will be mine and mine alone, so if you are easily offended you may not want to follow me. If you are in for some intellectual stimulation along with some humour then welcome to my world.