Row ya boat

Gentlemen I am here to help some of you out. There is an age old debate about the size of your ego and the ability it has to elevate and sustain a female’s ecstasy level. I happened today to walk in on a conversation with some female co-workers and sorry to say it brothers but size does matter. Be you fat or be you thin, there must be some girth attached to this. So it seems that that old saying about the motion in the ocean is a lie thought up by someone who wasn’t up to par.

At this point I want to thank my parents for good genetic encoding and making me above average. However, it seems that there are some males who life has given the extreme short end of the stick to and these gentlemen have unredeemable short comings. The conversation by the females was so passionate that I had to enquire about certain aspects. Suppose my oratorical ability could make you reenact the exorcism from the movie the Exorcist, I enquired. I was met with a stiff “still don’t mean a thing if you under 5”.”

Females are known to happily pass on stories about males who fall short in the bedroom. They apparently know a lot of gym men who seem to make up for short comings there by trying to be big in other areas. This is what Katt Williams refered to as “Tricking a B….” my research has discovered that no matter how big your arms are, no matter how long you last, if you show up with 3” that is how many minutes it will take for all her friends to know that you “aren’t cutting it.”

So now those of you who fall short are wondering how to get up to par. There are only 2 real solutions. Find a virgin and hope she never ever horns you or be filthy rich so that a woman sees pass your other issues. No amount of eating, no amount of waist action and no amount of hand playing can help. In fact some if your hands are better than your ego in size then you might be in trouble. There is 1 other alternative that exist but that involves the use of extra battery powered tools. This use again over shadows your manliness and she might want to reverse the roles so this option is strictly forbidden.

In closing just remember that no matter how good a canoeist you may be, you cannot battle a storm in the open sea.

More Equal Than You Think

This is the era of sexual equality. Many roles once done solely by males are being done and in some cases dominated by females. The same is also true for males doing female roles. More single parent homes are popping up where the father is the only one present. More females are running corporations as opposed to the kitchen. The extent of the role sharing is however not fully accepted and appreciated by society as is exhibited by the shock and dismay females still exhibit when they find out that one of the things they call solely their own is not. I’m here today to tell you that it’s true. Men do fake it too.

I can hear the shock, disbelief and snickers from the audience as this thought alone is blasphemous. There is no way for a man to fake it! You would know and you would see. I’m here to tell you that a man can fake it. I faked it for half of a relationship. Why would you fake it? Well for me I liked her a lot and I was more concerned with her fulfillment than mine (yes ladies there are guys like me out here but you all prefer the other type). When we were intimate and she received her conclusion and I tired of the repetition I would simulate muscle convulsion, fake the face, roll over and remove the contraceptives. She would be happy that her man was happy and I could go shower or brace for round 2 or oral and use this to reach the finish line.

How could she not tell? I can hear my female readers wondering this and trying to figure out how they can tell if the wool is being pulled over their eyes as well. It is simple you can’t unless you volunteer to remove the condom for him. Either that or have unprotected sex. If you do figure out that your man is doing this then you shouldn’t be too shame. You should confront him and make an effort to improve your skills and technique. He may be doing it out of pure love for you as he seeks to keep you happy and not have sex damage your relationship. Either that or he’s cheating on you so by the time he gets home he doesn’t have any juice left to give you.

To the guys if you are afraid of being caught faking there are easy ways to do it. Never let her touch the condom is the first. Don’t cheat is the second. The one that may work for most is remove her from the sex. Silently, cause saying names would get you killed, have sex with her whilst making love to another. This may sound a bit confusing but it’s quite simple. Whilst making love to her imagine Halle, Rihanna, the girl who works next to you or that girl you could never get at school. The final technique is take it to porn levels and just do what you must to get there.

So in this day in age it is clear to see that the only difference between males and females or the prefixes “wo” and”fe” as one poet so aptly stated.