Judge a Book by The Cover

I was skimming through the news and came across this article. Main facts of it are that many ladies in North America are offended by a comment made by a police chief where he states that he wishes women would stop dressing like sluts so as to help cut down on the number of rapes. His position seems to be that when you dress a certain way you attract attention including that of those who may rape. Full details on the protest can be found in the link below. What I am looking to touch on today is the belief that sluts dress a certain way.

full story here

In the context of the article and in general speaking terms calling a lady a slut is a derogatory way of inferring or downright calling her promiscuous and lacking much moral fiber. It then seemingly links in the officer’s views dressing provocatively with engaging in promiscuous behaviors. In my limited time here on this planet is has come to my observation that you can’t judge a book by its cover or in this case lady by her clothing. I will not dispute that certain dress codes are associated with certain behaviors and certain personalities but this is not an absolute fact. Many conservatively dressed ladies have partaken in behaviors way below that of the stereotypical “sluts.”

Many females who may dress scantily and dance provocatively from 6:30 onward are in fact not promiscuous. Many have one partner that they have been committed to for years. Meanwhile we look up to many professional ladies in their attire and mannerisms when in fact these ladies engage a rotation policy that would make the WICB shake their heads. These same professional ladies look down through their Louis Vuitton glasses on the other ladies whose only difference is that they do their acts behind closed doors. Many take the old saying of a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets fully to heart. The only issue is they are doing it repeatedly with every person who gives them a little time and attention.

I say all this to say that unless we are changing the standard definition of the word to mean a lady who dresses a certain way that we need to stop stereotyping due to dress. The lady in the short skirt with her breast 2 jiggles away from jumping out may be the best wife a gentleman can have due to her loyalty and commitment to her boo whilst the lady sitting over there in her cubicle with a skirt 2cm above a library assistant’s may be the easiest sex to acquire for any living being.

What you see isn't what you get

When I was younger I read a book called The Rules of Work. In this book a chapter was dedicated to dressing and one of the things it stated was not to drop your guard because you never know just who might see you when you do. This I something that rings true to me from this book but not only with how you dress but how you act in everything you may do. Unfortunately for many of us seeing our behaviours from an outside perspective is not as simple as critiquing our attire standing in front of a mirror. Many times we may enter situations with the best of intentions but our approach to it may send of warning signs to others. Other times we are too close to a situation to see how it looks to others.

I have a relatively high number of female friends and this is something in my younger days I could not understand why it was such a big deal. I was a very active person involved in plethora of organizations and sports so by extension I met a lot of people and also by extension females. However with age I’ve come to realize that especially situations where I may be involved with someone that this gives off the wrong impression to others. In society it is seen as an unlikely situation for platonic relationships between members of the opposite sex. Even though I may know that my intentions and actions were pure to others it may not appear this way and may even cause drama to my significant other.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that males and females who are friends should end their relationships to please society. What I am saying is that in situations especially where other emotions may be involved that we should seek to make all interactions clear. Picture me and a lady spending extensive amounts of time together and in situations alone, sometimes at the other person’s house. We may do nothing more than enjoy the company and conversation of the other party but to the world two individuals going out on “dates” and spending time alone is not conducive to nonsexual relationships. For a single person this may not be too big of a deal but those involved with other people at any stage may need to realize how lunch together every day may look to the average person.

If you extend your hand and grab the first thing you touch and place it as close to your face without putting it in your eye can you properly describe it? Due to the proximity of the object I’m willing to bet that if it wasn’t something that you were aware of you may be unable to tell me what it actually is. I'm willing to bet that as you pull it away from your face that then you can fully tell what it is and give a clear description. This is what happens with life and our actions. We may be so close to the situation that we don’t see how our actions may look to others.

The actions I’m speaking about aren’t limited to inter-gender relationships. In everything we do especially in this day and age where Facebook is being updated with pictures at the same time the DJ is selecting what song to play next we have to be mindful of how every little thing we do can be seen. Studies have shown that a growing number of organizations are screening employees using social media. It would be a shame if you lose that dream job due to that funny picture of you. Similarly it would be a shame if you lose your job for tweeting about your boss being a bastard.

I am in no way telling anyone to live for the approval of others. I would be a hypocrite if I ever said such a thing. I was once that person who did stuff just to annoy and contradict people. What I am saying is in this world today we need to think before we act because we may be sending a message contraindicating to what we are trying to do.